:: frustrations :: exasperations :: desperations :: September 9, 2008
Posted by dagger in Admiral.add a comment
i just don’t know what to do or think anymore.
why do we quarrel like this?
why the need to be passive aggresive?
am i really getting on your nerves so much?
just tell me.
anger.
vexation.
and now, disappointment.
:: patton rules :: August 27, 2008
Posted by dagger in Admiral.add a comment
After the upgrade to version 2.02 that is. The bloomberg app is insanely good.
Remember yesterday May 12, 2008
Posted by dagger in Admiral, Missing you.1 comment so far
Remember yesterday – walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand – I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I’d wanna hear you say – I remember you
– I remember you, Skid Row
“You might have a chance in the future.”
Funny how one sentence can turn your life upside down again.
Random Stuff March 10, 2008
Posted by dagger in Admiral.add a comment
Last night conversation was…… I’m not sure really. I don’t even know what I got upset about. Strange, how a “I can’t be bothered” can hurt one so much.
Too tired to think. Don’t think, breath in, out.
——————————————————————————————————————————
In the bus on a rainy Sunday evening, the following realisation hit me.
1. The one that just did not work out
2. The one that was not meant to be.
3. The one that did not end well.
Wonder what would be the pitch for the next one.
:: Things change :: March 7, 2008
Posted by dagger in Missing you.add a comment
So I told the story for what I hope is the last time yesterday to Kanmei. I did not really want to relive it again. But it was Kanmei. Some things never change.
She agrees with the other one that the whole situation has been pretty unfair to me as well. And right on cue, I found myself trying to defend her again. Kanmei says I’m too nice; she just gave me that glare she does and left it at that. Some things never change.
Perhaps its really true that nan ren bu huai, nu ren bu ai. Times like this I wish there really is a supranormal being that I can appeal to for understanding. Reflection only gets me this far; I don’t have anyone with the right perspective, and knowledge of my history.
But Kanmei really surprised me. She picked up the gist of the story and could even predict where things were going, though she missed some of the more extreme happenings. We even had similar views on her behaviour. She’s bad news for you, she said. It’s better that you don’t get involved with her. I listen, but still I wonder if I could say no if things do change.
This just reminds me of how well she knows me. Wasn’t it only a few years ago that I was the one listening to her boyfriend stories? Things change.
Leap Years February 29, 2008
Posted by dagger in Admiral.add a comment
29th Feb 2004:
Just ended a relationship
Looking for a job/internship
Seeing people around me getting attached
29th Feb 2008:
Ended chances of a relationship
Looking for a new job
Seeing people around me getting married
4 frakin’ years to reach the same place.
Meeting you again… February 26, 2008
Posted by dagger in Missing you.add a comment
… was not painful at all.
Breath.
:: :: February 22, 2008
Posted by dagger in Admiral.1 comment so far
I just found out an hour ago that she changed her relationship status on FB last night.
Not sure what I am feeling now. Not anger, not at her anyway. Him? If the timing seems right, I could be the one who came in suddenly and almost spoilt his chances.
It was not like the last time. No bitterness. Well, a tinge at the fates for toying with me yet again.
If there is a reason for this, I really cannot see it……
Lying in the dark… February 18, 2008
Posted by dagger in Missing you.add a comment
… as I stared into the darkness. The light from the handphone showed 03:12, no calls, no messages. Tossing and turning does not help at all.
:: End of Smiles :: February 15, 2008
Posted by dagger in Admiral.add a comment
… for now I guess.
It was an interesting over the last month. Cliche coming up: Never thought I would feel like that again……
But all good things come to an end. She made her decision, and I have made mine. The last two hours was the most roller coaster of a lunch/coffee break I ever had. But it made me come to a realisation that I do not want to repeat the mistakes of three years ago. Guess everyone else was right; just took me this long to understand that no matter what the reason(s), she’s not ready now and nothing I do is going to change that. Going forward, I may not know how my feelings will change. That is the future’s problem. Now, I just want to go back to being single me again.
I may never know if her friend has anything to do with it. Somehow, it ceased being a factor anymore. It just does not matter.
Thinking about why I like her, and the others as well. The best answer I can come up with is that I felt genuine emotions with them. Brutal to say this but yes, I can be quite the emotionless animal sometimes despite what people may perceive. It was different with the three of them though. I went through the gamut of human emotions with them and I felt every heart skip, every heart pain. The first two really threw me for a loop when things ended. Perhaps it is time to try not be emo when things do not go my way.
