dagger’s take on things

We should be out celebrating our six month aniversary now. Instead, we’re looking at the one month after breakup.

I miss your smile, the one that makes everything a little paler with its brightness. I miss your zany laughter where your mouth is wide open and your shoulders will shake. I miss your questioning of my every assumptions, our constant debates and arguments over the current issues of the day. I love you for being a liberal and hating George Bush with me. I love that you actually think and have an opinian, a strong female. I love that you are not the typical gu niang who’s soft and expect the man to do everything for her. I love that you DO want to be pampered from time to time as well, and for making me feel privileged in doing so. I listened to you singing “I’m Yours” over and over again, and when you sang it before we got together, I pretend you were directing it to me. I go absolutely nuts whenever you speak in that cute voice. I adored the fact that you like animals, because no one who loves animals the way you do can ever be that bad a person. I wanted to be with you, desperately, but I did not know how until you showed me the way that afternoon. When you held my hand, time froze, and for one transient moment, I was at bliss, with the knowledge that you liked me too. The first month is still like a dream; that trip to the jungle like heaven.

You may not believe me, but that does not make the above things any less true. And in the end, that’s what hurts the most. Of all the what could have beens, you were the one that made me want to be a better man, to buck up and be worthy of you. You were the one that I actually actively planned a future for, factoring you into my future. You were the one I desperately want my family to like, and I yearned to be accepted by your family. I thought of the next year, five years and many more with you, and how it would be like. And when it all came crashing down… …

I wish we could be happy together again.