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Enough June 9, 2009

Posted by dagger in Admiral.
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There is only so much one can take before he has to decide if the whole thing is worth it.

I have come to that point. I had taken a stand. No more giving in. Its believe me or nothing now.

This is not a threat. This is the only way after I tried your path. I cannot admit to something I did not do, but I tried being contrite and accommodating. I put up with your remarks and insinuations, even as we agree to put things behind us and move on. I agree to all your requests/demands/conditions. I wanted to move on.

Well here we are. Maybe we will move on from this. Maybe we wouldn’t. All I can say is that come what may, the truth of what really happened cannot be changed. Time will tell.

:: The End :: April 19, 2009

Posted by dagger in Missing you.
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17th April, 2009

Night.

“You don’t have the right to call me anything anymore.”

Later, an sms.

“I just threw the fox away.”

Dumbass April 14, 2009

Posted by dagger in Missing you.
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STUPID STUPID STUPID!
How can I lose her pen!

STUPID!

On the way to Da Lat… April 12, 2009

Posted by dagger in Admiral, Backpacking.
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… I saw:

A six car pile up.
A herd of cows foraging next to a meat factory.
A bubble tea cafe. Taiwanese bubble tea cafe.
A leaking dam. Yes, a gushing leak.

Day 1: HCM April 11, 2009

Posted by dagger in Admiral, Backpacking.
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I hate this city.

Full of the memories and mistakes of a year past. Everywhere I walk, it dredged another memory of the last time here.

Tomorrow’s departure cannot come too soon.

Couldn’t we try April 10, 2009

Posted by dagger in Expressions.
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i was hoping we could be
sitting at the door looking out to sea.
i was hoping we could be
making up plans,start a new life
just you and me

i was hoping we could be
counting the stars above. feeling free
i was hoping we could be
what we always wanted when we found the one
we love eternally

oh my love, can’t you see
this time we spent apart
is a sad sad aching misery
oh my love, baby baby baby
i lost myself without you next to me

i’m just sitting by myself
making up a lonely song, sing to me
i’m just drinking by myself
all the walls closing in
i run around to find my sanity

oh my love, can’t you see
this time we spent apart is a sad sad aching misery
oh my love i’m waiting waiting waiting
i can’t turn back time but i want you to know
that i love you so

put down the fences that u built around
shutting me out, giving me no chance to say i’m sorry
going crazy since the day you said goodbye
couldn’t we stand by each other, couldn’t we try

i was hoping we could be
making up a song, singing it together in harmony
i was hoping we could be
falling in love, all over again
we could be.

- Shirlyn

Nightmare is… April 6, 2009

Posted by dagger in Missing you.
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… dreaming she’s with him.

Worst is waking up to a life without her.

:: walking… :: March 29, 2009

Posted by dagger in Missing you.
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… along the streets, the waves of lonliness hit me over and over again. I broke down, and no one cared.

:: dealing with it :: March 23, 2009

Posted by dagger in Admiral.
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I can’t remember the last time I felt this conflicted.

Without you, one night alone
Is like a year without you,
If you have a heart of stone
Without you, can’t stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide

:: again, this path :: March 20, 2009

Posted by dagger in Missing you.
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We should be out celebrating our six month aniversary now. Instead, we’re looking at the one month after breakup.

I miss your smile, the one that makes everything a little paler with its brightness. I miss your zany laughter where your mouth is wide open and your shoulders will shake. I miss your questioning of my every assumptions, our constant debates and arguments over the current issues of the day. I love you for being a liberal and hating George Bush with me. I love that you actually think and have an opinian, a strong female. I love that you are not the typical gu niang who’s soft and expect the man to do everything for her. I love that you DO want to be pampered from time to time as well, and for making me feel privileged in doing so. I listened to you singing “I’m Yours” over and over again, and when you sang it before we got together, I pretend you were directing it to me. I go absolutely nuts whenever you speak in that cute voice. I adored the fact that you like animals, because no one who loves animals the way you do can ever be that bad a person. I wanted to be with you, desperately, but I did not know how until you showed me the way that afternoon. When you held my hand, time froze, and for one transient moment, I was at bliss, with the knowledge that you liked me too. The first month is still like a dream; that trip to the jungle like heaven.

You may not believe me, but that does not make the above things any less true. And in the end, that’s what hurts the most. Of all the what could have beens, you were the one that made me want to be a better man, to buck up and be worthy of you. You were the one that I actually actively planned a future for, factoring you into my future. You were the one I desperately want my family to like, and I yearned to be accepted by your family. I thought of the next year, five years and many more with you, and how it would be like. And when it all came crashing down… …

I wish we could be happy together again.

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